My gf’s family wants an expensive wedding?
My gfs family wants an elaborate wedding with all the bells and whistles. However, I really don’t want to spend thousands of dollars. I am not that old yet and the money I have saved up is for a new apt, furnishings for the house, baby items (my gfs pregnant), and everything we need to get started. I am not sure if they expect me to pay for all this? They have not really mentioned it. But I certainly can’t afford it. I don’t want to insult anyone. Getting my honey’s dad to agree to the wedding was a major undertaking in itself. I practically had to beg. How should I handle this? Unfortunately, my parents are gone so I can’t ask them for help. They won’t be attending the wedding. My mother is dead and my dad is in the Middle East somewhere. I am on my own, I ain’t poor. I have a decent job and some money saved but no credit cards. What should I do?
Your girlfriend and you need to decide what kind of wedding is appropriate for you. Together, inform her family of your decision. If they wish to help, they will offer. Otherwise, the expense is on you, so don’t let them bully you into putting yourself in debt.
Luckey for you, it’s the bride’s parents that cover a majority of the expense. You/your family should, traditionally, only pay for the rehearsal dinner and booze at the wedding.
if the girlfriend FAMILY want the big wedding – tell them to pay for it!
Well, typically the bride’s family pays for the wedding and the groom pays for the honeymoon.
You should talk to her, because if that is the case she can have whatever kind of wedding she wants, haha.
If they expect you to pay, you need to talk to your girlfriend about being a little more realistic, and explaining your financial situation. she loves you, she’ll understand.
The cost of the wedding is traditionally the responsibility of the Brides parents
Well, it’s YOURS and your fiancee’s wedding, right? It is totally up to you how you want to plan it!
you should talk this through with your girlfriend tell her how your feeling about this . . . explain you dont want to spend loads on the wedding because having money for a marriage is just as important . . she will understand unless she also wants the big wedding.
discuss this with your gf’s family. Tell them that you need to save up the money for the future and can’t waste taht much money on the wedding. Or ask them to pitch in to pay.
If they want an elaborate wedding, I believe the Brides parents are supposed to pay for the wedding anyway. So let them know that whatever they wish to pay for is fine with you.
I had the cheapest wedding you can have and me and my husband love each other so much and I really don’t see us getting divorced, we are going on 6 years together. All my friends who had big weddings, are divorced or are having problems it seems like. Spend the money on a good honeymoon so you have something to remember when you have kids and can’t go anywhere, or put the money towards a house so you can start a life together. A big wedding isn’t neccessary, especially if your fiance isn’t pushing for it.
Well it’s your wedding. Don’t tell them that you don’t have the money for it, just let them know that it’s really down to you and her to decide how the wedding is going to be. If they offer financial help, it is up to the both of you to decide if you take it or not. But it’s YOUR day. Congrats on that!
I think that if they want an elaborate wedding they should put out the money for it. Maybe you can have your gf talk to them about it, explain the situation and what you just told us. . and try to get them to understand. If they won’t pay for it, just explain that you are both adults and would rather spend your money on more practical things than just one day. . . That sounds like the more responsible adult thing to do anyway, hopefully they’ll understand. Good luck!
Well for starters, it’s not up to the parents, it’s up to you and her. Tell her you love her, but you simply can’t afford this. Talk about how you were saving this money for the future and stuff.
You need to find out what they want from you and how much. Unfortunately, you may need to dip into the apt furnishing $ a little. The baby stuff is essential and so is the $ for a new apt. You also may need to confess the truth that you are financially not able to support a crazy wedding. Don’t lie; they’ll just get you off to a bad start.
You need to talk to them. Tell them that you have concerns with spending that much money with a baby on the way. Your first priority is making sure the baby has everthing it needs. That will make you look very mature in their eyes as well. Wait and see if they offer to pay. If they don’t, then say you really can’t justify the expense so what things are they willing to cut from the wedding.
It could be that they are now excited about the wedding. It is their daughter after all and maybe they now want all those bells and whistles. If they do and they want to pay, go ahead and let them. Or come to a compromise with letting them pay for some things they want to have. Maybe they will also offer to help when the baby comes too if you have to shell out some for the wedding.
But congratulations for both events!
Honestly the best way is to talk it out. Let them know where your standing on the topic. Also, I’m pretty sure there are places you can find with wedding items at budget prices. You just have to look around. I personally don’t think extravagant materials are a major part of the wedding. As long as you both have a memorable and happy wedding.
It your wedding and your fincee’s wedding. No one else’s, not even her family. You two should decide what you want to do and what you can afford. Her family shouldn’t have any influence in the decision.
You should talk to your fiance, and tell her your budget for the wedding. Give her an amount, if possible, so she understands what you mean. Im sure she would agree that its better to be able to afford things for the home and the baby.
If her parents want to contribute to the wedding, they will offer. Otherwise, you two should work around the budget and keep her family out of it. They shouldnt be talking about an elaborate wedding unless they are paying for it.
you and gf need to establish right away that this is YOUR wedding, not theirs. it’s common for parents to want to impress their friends by showing off their spending power, and if they want to foot the bill, fine. however, that means they will be calling the shots and it will become THEIR wedding. you can’t have it both way, sadly.
step one is for you and gf to come up with your plan on how to deal with her parents respectfully but FIRMLY
You need to have a sit-down conversation with your girlfriends parents and get this all straightened out. You have the right plan! You shouldnt blow a ton of money on a wedding especially when you have a baby on the way. My husband and I got married on a whim and only spent $50 (which was the cost of a marriage license in the state of Virginia). And I wouldnt have done it anyother way! You just need to talk with them and find out if they are planning to fit the bill. Explain to them why you dont want to blow all of that money and I am sure that they will repsect your decision.
You sound like a responsible person. . . There need to be more upstanding men like you in the world.
I wish you the best of luck.
Traditionally, it is customary for the Brides family to pay for the wedding. . . . . I don’t think too many people follow this tradition so much anymore. . . . I would explain your side of it and have a talk with them. . . . I would (personally) rather have the things I needed rather than an elaborate wedding (if I had to choose). . . . Maybe they would agree to have something more simple and then later maybe have a lavish anniversary party. . . .
Sit down and have a heart to heart with your fiance. . . see how she feels. . . and then the both of you sit down with both of your parents to discuss it further and see what can be done. . . .
Good luck!
if you cant afford an expensive wedding. if ur gf’s family wants an expensive wedding that bad then they cAN PAY FOR IT
I would first express these feelings to your fiance.
Tell her that this money is saved for the baby. (That money is very important-baby’s are expensive).
Express that you want a nice wedding as well-but how will you pay for it all?
After this is talked about between the two of you-either she or both should talk to her parents about the cost.
Hope all works out well for you!
You and your girlfriend should figure out what kind of wedding you want and then talk to her parents about it together. Explain (nicely) that you are more concerned with you and your girlfriend’s future (especially since there’s a baby on the way!) than with how one day turns out. Explain that you would rather save your money to spend on a nice place to live, baby care, etc, than on a one-day celebration.
If they still want you guys to have the wedding, ask them if they’d be willing to help finance it. Be aware though, that if they are financing it, they are most likely going to want to have a major say in how that money is spent.
If your gf is willing, it can be easily accomplised without any extra cost. What is necessary that you should have the wedding registration fee and that’s all!
Make a discussion with your gf and enjoy an easy life. . .
Well talk to your gf about what you guys want, then go to her aprents and sit down and talk tot hem HONESTLY about what you guys want. If they are willing to pay for some of the extras then work out some compromises. If you guys are paying for it on your own then let them know “we can’t really afford this, and do not want to start our lives together in debt”. Even if they are willing to pay for the elaborate wedding, let them know what you want and make sure they know they will have to compromise on some of the things (it may be best to let your gf do most of the talking since this is her family. )
Good luck and congrats!
It’s usually on the bride’s family to pay for the majority of a formal wedding. The groom does have certain things he’s expected to provide, but the major portion is traditionally on the father of the bride. If they are insistant on this formal wedding, then tell them to cough up their traditional portion. You may have to provide a portion of the cost, but what the groom is usually responsible for is outlined in many wedding book guides. And you can usually get some help from a wedding planner who’s been in the business a long time and may give you a free consultation on that part.
You can have a very nice wedding for little money, But if your soon to be in laws insist them politely tell them that you would love to take their suggestions but you can’t afford it. My husband and I did it that way and still had a great church wedding and reception.
Be honest. Tell them how you feel, what you’re able to do and let them know you’re open to help. Tact is the key. Maybe both you and you’re girlfriend should sit with the family to discuss it. Before you do this however, find out how your girlfriend feels, it’s clear that she loves you no matter what. At the end of the day, You’ll be married to her not them so you should make sure she’s happy with the decision made. The only thing I see that would make you feel really overwhelmed is if you set the date too close.
Do not do it over the phone! face to face is better.
if you and your girlfriend do not want an elaborate wedding, and her family is pressuring you to have one, than they should be the ones footing the bill.
Lol Seriously if they said that I would insist they pay for it then because they insisted on it being expensive even though it’s your wedding the other reasons you need the money for are MORE important trust I know I’m 18 and saving up money for the same thing (G/F Pregnant as well)
Go to your girlfriend’s mother and father and tell them what you have written down.
Your girlfriend — or apparently, now your fiance– and your child are your most critical concerns. The wrost thing you could do for YOUR family is rack up debt or spend what you may need in the very near future. I don’t know the entire financial situation. One year, our family underwent a life-style shattering event. My husband made 100K+ a year, he switched to a job that did not require a commute. In the 90 days before insurance kicked in at his new job, our eldest daughter became very ill, unexpectedly. Our policy only cover ICU stays. She spent 3 weeks in a quarentined room and had to undergo a whole bunch of tests. The hospital bill was over $170K, so to pay it, he had to quit his job and take a job making just less than what would qualify us for medicaid. We still had so many bills to pay! The point is, no matter how in control of your life you think you are, it only takes one very tiny germ to throw your entire life off course. When it comes to kids, nobody else’s opinion matters but yours and your wife-to-be. It would be very irresopnsible of you to spend the money if you do not feel comfortable. You don’t want to look back and see that your family is missing out on something they need because your wife’s parents wanted designer gowns and caterers.
Your future in-laws can either pay for it or get over it. Becase in the long run, your fiance is YOUR family now, and you have to be the head of it. It’s time for them to let go.
Have the wedding you can afford. You do not want to start a marriage off in debt, especially with a baby on the way (congrats!). If her family wants an expensive wedding, they should offer to pay for it, or keep their opinions to themselves. They should know that you are doing the smart thing for you and your soon to be wife and child.
Talk it over with your fiance, I’m assuming she has a similar mindset as you?? If the family makes comments about this several thousand dollar dress and spending hundreds on flowers, just smile and make a joke about it. Laugh it off and say something like, yeah those are the centerpieces we’re getting if you’re paying for it! Instead of making it uncomfortable, you’ve made it joke they will think about. Then maybe they’ll offer up the help. Otherwise, by laughing about it, they don’t think you’re being cheap and stuck-up; you’re being frugal and wise. Congrats!
The brides family usually pays for the wedding but it’s always changing. I would just talk to your girlfriend and say if we have to pay for it then we can only afford a small wedding.
Just be honest and tell them- We don’t have the money.
Discuss your concerns with your fiancee since you can feel more comfortable talking with her about money issues. Also, she will understand your desire to provide for your baby. She will know what her parents have in mind. . . if they are going to pay for it, etc. The big wedding is normally for the girl anyway.
first off congrats. . . second i think you need and your FW need to talk to her parents and see if they are going to help pay otherwise just go down to the courthouse and you can always have a big wedding latter on. Also, DO NOT USE A CREDIT CARD! If you cant pay for it with cash/check then dont get it. . . . its one day and its not worth going in to debt for it!
The important piece of information we need to know is where does your fiancee stand on this? If she disagrees with you on how much money you two can spend then you two need to discuss and come up with a budget. If she agrees with you then skip to the next step.
Sit down, all four of you, and discuss wedding plans. Start out by explaining how much you and your fiancee can contribute, and say what you want to spend that on. If they object, tell them that they are welcome to pay for whatever extras they want.
If, however, you have other reasons for not wanting a big wedding, then you will have to negotiate with them too, as this is their day also, not just for the two of you.
Best of luck, and congratulations!
It’s amazing how many people now make a living from working with weddings and wedding planning things. I do not agree that spending thousands of dollars will do anything- except maybe cause a rift between you and your fiancee due to the stress of the cost and time spent planning something so large.
Definitely tell her how you feel and let her approach her family about your decision. Make sure you financial goals are in-line for the future because most break-ups are caused by not having similar financial goals.
In my experience, the more expensive the wedding, the more likely for a break-up. Hopefully you don’t follow that trend!
So that you know up front . . . the cost of the wedding is the responsibility of the BRIDE’s parents, NOT YOU!!
The Grooms family only is responsible for the alcohol at the reception & the cars. Also Groom pays for the rings.
Unless she is poor, and you are not richie rich, then you need to have a SERIOUS talk about EXPECTATIONS. .
You need to start with 5 basic questions & get an agreement;
1. What is the planned, agreed wedding date
2. What type of wedding (church or civil) & where (local or overseas)
3. How many guests are you agreeing to invite (keep in mind the average budget for $100 per guest for food & drink)
4. What expectations does the bride have ie: GRAND = $$$$$ ; Conservative = ok $$ ; OR Budget = easy for everyone.
5. She does know that her parents are meant to pay right?? Tell her she must have a ‘chat with her mother’ about budget, as she needs to ask her parents a) will they pay? and b) how much can they afford. Then from here on is left to the ‘women’ to organise. . . you should not need to even be worrying about it.
Now about that ring !!! Well if you are both on limited budgets, then nothing over $1,000 should be spent, remember you also have to purchase the wedding rings x2, which is usually another $500.
Good Luck.
You need to sit down with your gf and her family and discuss budget. If they offer to pay for the elaborate wedding, why not let them?!?!? If not you need to talk about what you can afford and just lay it all out on the table.
My parents have offered to pay for our reception (the most expensive part). My fiancee is still under the impression that he has to pay fo rthe entire thing. If my parents have offered to pay, I’d like to let them. It does mean that they go to check out all the reception venues with us, but we can deal with that.